“Bulging Manhood” by Tim Kahl

No one should be surprised at the appeal women’s underwear

holds for thieves. Twelve grand worth of breathable panties

disappears in foil-lined shopping bags. No one should be surprised

at the effort made to thwart alarm sensors. I hear

the whoop whoop go off, and I hide in the bedlam.

There’s pain meds for after. But what hurts most is

knowing I am held slave and hostage to the whims of

what blonde women like to wear. You ravaging ravenhaireds

are no less dangerous with your boo-hoo faces

that belong in the great shrine of lingerie poses.

There I sit on a Sunday in a season of vacant staring,

considering whether the pouch technology of my new

wonderjock does the same to them. I consider whether

one’s bulging manhood can be patented

or whether some mannequin on the boulevard might be

stealing my form . . . its reticulated shape reflecting

my tense apparatus. I cannot relax. I can’t be soothed

by my masculine longing. I want to think that

manhood can bulge, but I have found it much more pliable.

It stretches over a misshapen career. It flattens in the face

of the advancing information age. It bends before

the will of the monitor. A brash spammer threatens me:

Don’t tell me why your Johnson is so small. I hear

an alarm going off in my life that warns me about

what I want, what I see that’s made to be exciting.

The image is in high definition. I think I can

stay ahead of the technology. It pursues me, a race,

and like you, I want to know if there’s still time

to consider a career in shoplifting.

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Tim Kahl [http://www.timkahl.com] is the author of Possessing Yourself (Word Tech, 2009) and The Century of Travel (Word Tech, forthcoming). His work has been published in Prairie Schooner, Indiana Review, Ninth Letter, Notre Dame Review, The Journal, Parthenon West Review, and many other journals in the U.S. He appears as Victor Schnickelfritz at the poetry and poetics blog The Great American Pinup (http://greatamericanpinup.wordpress.com/) and the poetry video blog Linebreak Studios [http://linebreakstudios.blogspot.com/]. He is also editor of Bald Trickster Press and Clade Song [http://www.cladesong.com]. He is the vice president and events coordinator of The Sacramento Poetry Center.